Work hard. Play hard. Then leave us the f*ck alone.
Oh, the anomaly of being an extroverted introvert. When you first get to know us, our “selective social-ness” might confuse the hell out of you — but you’ll get used to it. (We hope.) Here’s the down and dirty of what it’s really like to fall in love with the girl who’s a social b*tterfly and secretly anti-social at the same time.
1. We’ll happily chat up your parents/friends/friends’ girlfriends/boss/etc and make small talk to end all small talk but after dinner is over, we require a STRICT code of silence.
We need to fill up that energy tank and the only way to do that is to leave us the hell alone, THANKS SO MUCH.
2. We like weekend activities … in limited doses.
We’re all about day-drinking on Saturday with a large group of friends as long as we can spend Sunday in our footie pajamas on the couch, not moving except to lift food to our mouths, press play on the Netflix remote, and lift even more food to our mouths.
3. We don’t want to meet your sister’s new boyfriend.
In fact, we don’t want to meet anyone — but we will. Because we love you.
4. We become visibly uncomfortable when there’s a lull in the conversation and we will fill that voice by stammering on about nothing.
Literally nothing. Soooo…how about that weather/sportsteam/politicalsituation/celebrityplasticsurgery oh and by the way, loveyournewshirthaveyoulostweightyoulookreallygreat. WORD VOMIT.
5. Interject immediately when #4 happens. It’s for the good of both of us.
6. We physically feel awkward or other people when we witness awkward moments happening.
Even if said awkward moments are fictional, like a TV or a movie scene. We haaaaaate awkwardness and we literally have to divert our eyes.
7. We’re the life of the party for about 3 hours (equivalent to 2-3 cocktails) and then we usually crash and burn and beg to go home.
We’re really fun people (seriously, ask any of our friends) but we have a fun “limit.” Know that precise limit or you’ll be carrying us over your shoulders at 2 AM because you found us cowering in a corner checking our Facebook notifications because OMG, there’s just so many people around us and MAKE THE NOISE STOP.
9. Lots of people (including you, when you first meet us!) will assume we’re extroverted because we don’t have any problem introducing ourselves to perfect strangers.
What you will realize later (hopefully sooner, though) is that we only do this out of a sense of obligation and societal norms. We actually abhor meeting new people and much prefer the company of a few good friends who we can totally be our weirdo selves around.
10. Do not interrupt us while we’re reading our book.
That is our holy place. We’re saving up our energy for that god-awful themed party you RSVP-ed us to.
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